So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
