I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You ruined the universe
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
