Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
