Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So much rum. So many feels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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