My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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