I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
