My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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