Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish I only lived at night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
