Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
