Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
