You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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