worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
