I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
