Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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