How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
