I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
