she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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