Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
