i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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