Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
