im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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