Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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