We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
