Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
