I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
