i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
