he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
