well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
