pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
