i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize