Sry I called you an 8
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
