lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
honey bunches of taint.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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