Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
