Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
