so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
