Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize