hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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