I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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