They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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