I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Drunk walkin through police station. America
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
