I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
