so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
