How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
