Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
