Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
