He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
