I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
