If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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