What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
