she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's the barista slut.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
