I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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