I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
