If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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