Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
