yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
