she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
