sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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