He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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