Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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