I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
