i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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