Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
