Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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