You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
