So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
