i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
