this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
