this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
