I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
