those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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