Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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