so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Pooping to opera.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
