Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
