I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
