You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
