need another drink. this is the easiest way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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